Love... Actually not...

kung anu-ano na nangyari...
tama na.

Thanks to leoslyrics.com. =)

This has been playing on my mind for quite a while.

Thanks........


S Club 7 - You
Buy this album!
From the album "Sunshine"

YOU, ARE ALL I NEED TO GET ME TROUGH (TO GET ME THROUGH NOW BABY)
LIKE A FALLINJG STAR I FEEL FOR YOU (I FELL FOR YOU)

Sweet anticipation, is giving me the butterflies,
and my heartbeat's racing, coz loving you is beautiful,
when you're so irresistable

And don't stop, what you're doing baby,
so good, that it drives me crazy
One touch, i'm in heaven now,
coz loving you's so beautiful baby, coz

YOU HAVE TOUGHT ME HOW TO LOVE, AN ANGEL SENT FROM HIGH ABOVE, AND NOW I KNOW THAT ALL I NEED IS YOU

oh i need you, and we'll always be together

Thort i knew what love was, it always ended up in tears,
it's just the way my heart was, until you walked into my life,
it's something that i just can't hide

And real loev, has come my way,
and i know, that it's here to stay,
it feels like never before,
coz loving you's so beautiful baby, coz

YOU, ARE ALL I NEED TO GET ME TROUGH (TO GET ME THROUGH NOW BABY)
LIKE A FALLINJG STAR I FEEL FOR YOU (I FELL FOR YOU)
YOU HAVE TOUGHT ME HOW TO LOVE, AN ANGEL SENT FROM HIGH ABOVE, AND NOW I KNOW THAT ALL I NEED IS YOU

YOU, ARE ALL I NEED TO GET ME TROUGH (TO GET ME THROUGH NOW BABY)
LIKE A FALLINJG STAR I FEEL FOR YOU (I FELL FOR YOU)
YOU HAVE TOUGHT ME HOW TO LOVE, AN ANGEL SENT FROM HIGH ABOVE, AND NOW I KNOW THAT ALL I NEED IS YOU

I don't know where to start.

All I know is that I really mean it when I say I don't know what love is anymore.

Lastnight, we had a dinner despedida for my sister who's going to US for a couple of weeks. My ma told me to invite pat over. And other members of my family asked me why pat wasn't with us. I told them my usual reply, it's a sunday, I said. sunday is family day.

It's not fair to say that I am handling this break up well. I am not. I might be doing better than him, but I am miserable altogether. Maybe for entirely different reasons, still I am not OK. I don't want to dwell on how pathetic I am living my life is for the past few days. Sure, I act like nothing's happened. I am just a great actress. I keep myself preoccupied so those short moments of deafening silence and solitude never come to me. I am thankful to have to difficult nephews with me at home, a grisham novel that's proved to be better than the last grisham i read, the 500+ pages of homer's iliad, and a lot of school-related and sorority duties. Can I safely say that I have a life? Well... not really. I am just as lost as him... alone with a broken heart..

I have been evading his calls because I can't stand seeing him broken. I can't believe I am hurting him so much. I still love the man, that's for sure. But I just can't be with him right now.

I hate it when he thinks I broke up with him because of another guy. Yeah, maybe, sure... I have a crush on another guy and I am flattered that other guys have shown interest in me, but I still don't want to point that as my reason for ending our 5-year relationship. I would like to think that love has gone completely stale. I really feel that we need some considerable time apart to refuel our love for each other. Whenever I think of the future -- staying up late for exams, studying for the boards, jogging along roxas, playing badminton with my family, having family dinners, migrating to the US, watching lfs's -- I almost feel for sure that I cannot live alone, and I cannot think of anyone else in this world to spend it with but him.

But it's different. It feels like old love. Isn't this feeling a bit too early for our relationship? We should be acting like 21year olds enjoying our youth, living wild, having as much fun as we can while we are still young. Is this burn out? Our relationship just feels so old... I refuse to believe that this is how my life is going to be for the rest of our lives... isn't companionship a bit too early for us? Where's the passion? Where's the teenager in us? That's what I meant when I said I felt like I am already married to him.

I am not complaining about spending all my free time with him. I loved being around him. But lately, little things he did started to irritate me and I find myself not laughing at his jokes anymore. And while pleasing me was getting harder for him, pleasing him was getting a bit too brainless. Again, no challenge... no passion... It feels like we've been married for 15 years already......... Not that I didn't want to be with him, but that I didn't like the way that it felt too final, too plain.

For now, I am just living each day as it comes, not thinking of what I did and what tomorrow will bring. Because if I do, I'll go crazy. I won't be able to stand what I just did. I threw away the best thing that ever happened to me.

I too have a broken heart. I just don't know what love is anymore.

All I can say is, all work and no play, makes couples a dull thing...

It's a strange situation what we're in right now. We just got back together and nobody knows it except the two of us. It's too stressful! We can't be "us" whenever there are people around. But then, it is also liberating. Whenever we're out with friends, we are forced to interact with other people other than ourselves.

Just this night, our school block had a night out here in Malate and we had to correspond with each other through SMS! What was that?! Hehehe... We had to talk secretly on whose going to pay for our dinner and how much can I spend for the night (because all of my money is with him). Well, you're probably thinking we are nuts for actually going through with this thing. Well, maybe you're right. =) But the way I feel about this right now, is that... this is something new for me. Since the two of us hooked together, he became my world and nothing else mattered. Well, basically that is still the case but I am now more aware of the other people around me. I now feel that there is a need for me to have other friends aside from him. Did I get sick of Pat? Well, I wouldn't want to look at things that way. I think it is more of me getting sick of myself being so dependent on him. That's not the way to live, right? Isn't it better to have two individuals who can live alone but are staying together because they decided to do so out of love and not out of need? I guess, I am in that stage... and so right now, I honestly feel that we are going to benefit a lot from this experimental phase.

Hhhmmm... I am not sure if I am still making sense. I kinda drank a couple of beers tonight and my mind's a little blurry.

I asked my hunny to sleep with me tonight, but he can't because he has this overnight thing with this brods. Gosh, I miss him. We spent the day together but we were with friends. So there.

I wish I can kiss you goodnight.

Does love really end? I just watched a film by Sharon and Aga lastnight entitled, "Kung Ako Nalang Sana" and a line that struck me was said by Sharon and it goes, "You never really stop loving a person. Once you love them, you love them forever. You might love them a little less or in a different way, but you still love that person."

I just want to share that line. I guess I agree with it. Love doesn't really end. It's too pure to just suddenly, or even insiduously, cease to exist.

Once you love somebody, you love that person forever.